Ramblings of Mind-5

We are all, but a congealed mass of memories.The memories which are ashes of the moments, burnt in the hearth of life, fanned by each breath we take to survive. And the irony is that these very breaths cut short the thread of life they help exist. Yet sometimes the warmth remains inside, only to be rekindled with fond reminiscences of the childhood and youth.

                                                         Most times in our lives there are two things that dictate everything else; chances and choices. At each new chance an set of choices is present and each choice made in turn, creates new sets of chances. More often than not though we end up hurting ourselves and then sit back and remorse haunts us. The heart knows the right from wrong , yet the passions and emotions reign supreme.

                 Follies and fallacies, joys and laughter, and a thousand such pairs, all mixed in the same bittersweet brew. We sip a draught, and the mouth is bitter. Yet we drink, in the hope of sweetness. And when there comes a sweet taste, we drink greedily for more, knowing well that an ashen taste awaits, lurking somewhere. It is a concoction of smiles and tears and sweat and blood of our own heart. We keep drinking of this even though we don't want to. "There is no other way to live," say all.

                    Still in everyone's life, there comes a time when we realize that putting away the cup away will certainly make you more thirsty. And then it will lead you in search for a drink, to save your life. This time however, you shall drink from the fountain of youth the source of life shall moisten your lips and quench the burning in your parched throat. Don't you give up your journe before that my friend.

                      And even if you die in search of the fountain, you shall know, in the end that the pool of nectar was within you; all the time.

Baarish, Jungle aur main

ठंडी सर्द हवा के झोंकें, जिनसे

दरख़्त की टहनियों पे बलखाता ,

रेशम के तारों से जैसे बुना ,

इक प्यारा सा जाला मकड़ी  का |

बारिश की कुछ  नन्हीं सी बूँदें ,

फंसी जिनमें ओस के जैसी,

डूबते सूरज की किरणें पकड़ सुनहली हो चली हैं,

और लहराती हैं झकोरों की ताल पे |

धुला धुला सा वन सुंदरी  का आँचल,

सब्ज पत्तों और चमकीले फूलों की गोट वाला,

बादलों से चाँद झाँकता है चोरी चोरी,

कान्हा ज्यूँ ताक रहा हो नहाती गोपियों को |

अलबेले, मस्ताने झींगुरों की एक गवैया टोली ,

ताल मिलाती झूमते टर्राते मेंढकों से आज |

बादलों की काली छतरी फट गयी है,

और बरसात की झड़ी में भीगते हैं सब जंगल वाले  |

मैं मुसाफिर एक अकेला, यायावर सा,

भटक रहा जीवन के घने से वन में,

पहुँच गया यहाँ इन घुमक्कड़ बादलों के संग,

इस जंगल में, बिन बुलाये मेहमाँ की तरह |

यादों का सावन जैसे बरस रहा हो

आँखों से मेरी भी एक नमकीन सी बरसात होती है ,

और बह जाती है जमीं पर, किसी दलदल में  खो जाने को |

यूँ रात भी गहरी सी हो चली है , शायद घर मुझे बुला रहा है |

A walk in the woods, an autumn evening

A walk in the woods, quiet and forsaken,
As the season of autumn just sets in.
Trees are a thousand pillars, holding the skies aloft,
And the falling leaves trace a road, paved with gold.


A gentle cool breeze, accompanies me on the stroll,
She smells of earth and burnt wood in hearths.
The sun softly sinks away from the zenith,
And the blue sky is a pastel of orange and pink.


The merry brook plays a rippling lyre, on the stones
And the roosting birds o'erhead complete the orchestra.
It is the music arcane, a song of the forest's soul,
So old and yet so fresh; my heart's lost in a trance.


Am all alone by myself, perhaps the mirage of tranquility smiles,
As the twilight fades into a starry night; heaven a mirror of fireflies.
The silent night seduces me; an enchantress' temptations.
Far somewhere, on the edge of these treacherous illusions,
A pair of hazel eyes search for me anxiously and wait.


A sirens' song is all this scenery, I know,
Yet I shall be drawn to it again tomorrow.
Now, from this land of fantasy, I take a flight,
Go home, have supper and to kiss my daughter a good night.

SPRING

Broken wings; the butterfly cried,

The spring has forsaken her.

Soft, powdered snow clings to the earth,

Far away is yet the golden chariot of summer.

A solitary Robin waits everyday, for the day,

Its song shall echo in the valley of flowers.

Naked, expectant tender stems, bear the long pains

For the moments they shall deliver the joy.

Hark! The cuckoo has broken her silence,

A breeze of melody fills every breath with music.

Mango trees laden with humming honey bees,

The sonnets of the season sound so sweet !

Dreamy days are filled with heavenly stupor

And the warm nights heady with aroma; of wild green apples!

The halcyon has finally descended on earth,

Her raiment of white all draped in the silken rainbow.

A game of warmth and aromas; world whirls and swirls,

Another wink of time and the circle of life rotates once more.

The butterfly? Her wings are all jewels now…..

Gunjan (25/12/09)

Ramblings of Mind - 4

It is 0020 hrs IST and I am awake.In next 8 hrs I have to be in my office doing some work.I am currently all by myself in my room. And am awake..the reason is my brain..
There is simply too much cluttered inside. And as usual most of it is painful. Personal sorrows or something else, I cannot decide or rather am confused to. what is personal and impersonal? what brings about that distinction? why are there so many sad things happening all around us and inside us and we sit and let them happen"? Finally, either we shut our eyes completely and pretend that they do not exist or we find escapes. All our art and literature and sometimes even religion seems to be an escape from the unhappy reality we face.. all of us, personally, impersonally or collectively. And so we seek something either to pass time or to save us from the eternal hell, that is ourselves.
And most probably, even I may be doing the same..writing all that is coming to my mind. so that it does not torment me so much so that it makes me sleepless.
it is like a ghost in your head, which keeps haunting you both in awakening and dreams.
Is there a reason for all this misery and hatred and war and brutality.
people killing each other and themselves. The sheer brutality that makes hyenas and lions look like angels to me. why have we become so insensitive and callous to the pain and mischief we create for others and more for ourselves?
Is there an escape?????

Name

Do you remember my love, the day,
You asked me, if your name was
Written on my heart?

I opened it up, for you to see.
Lo, it was nowhere to be found !
You left, sad and broken, and I amazed.



I Guess I forgot to tell you,
I had written it in my blood ...

आँखें

मूँद ले कुछ पल को,
ये मद भरी आँखें अपनी

के इक ज़माना हुआ है अब,
होश में आए मुझ को

Death

What it means to die ?

In the arms of your beloved,

Or forsaken, in an alien land?

Some moments of pain and/or joy,

The ever rolling wheel of time,

Is death the final end of it?

A bag of flesh and bones and blood,

Strung on the sinews of breath,

The house of cards, falls apart.

Some songs never uttered, never, never,

Though the soul has sung them so long.

A final note, or is death a new Aalaap?

You and me and he or she,

Friends or strangers; or reflections in the mirror?

All's an illusion; you'll know when it breaks.

Eons and ages and countless sunrises,

I've watched in joy, awe and wonder.

Yet the beauty of the night, only sunset reveals.

Pages after pages; chapters after chapters,

Patterns on sheets, in black and white.

Is death then the last full stop, in my story?

I don't know where I am going,

Only god knows where I've been.

But I know, I journey to my final goal......Like you.

A Wish....

Pale and somber, the last morning of November,
The first dew drop, on the fallen white orchid.
Simmering summer sun, or the blinding vine of thunder,
An enigma; kissed me with lips of mists and you hid.



Quietly, gently, silently, your footsteps of the lotus bloom,
Innocent smile of the baby leaf, and the eyes of skies azure.
Yet those lines of kohl, a border; an arcane forest's gloom,
Your aroma; with breeze it floats, my heartache's only cure.



A milky white swan in my heart's lake,
And a thousand raindrops drenching me; your laughter.
Rainbow hued fantasies; flights they take,
Ruby red wine lips; there taste lingers long after.



The melancholy tranquil, in shadow of the hill,
Echoing silence of fleeting moments passing by.
Though no blank space or chasm does it fill,
Still a haunting vortex of time rises high.



The pink rose buds smile and gaze,
I hold you, in an everlasting embrace
Daffodils swaying, set the valley ablaze,
I've touched the heavens; in your face.



A crystal blue rivulet, glides from the mountain,
As the soft, shimmering sheets of virgin ice melt.
And the young river is born, I don't know when,
The nymph of the valley, wears a silver belt.



The seasons have changed, spring is here,
Bees hum sonnets, o'er the sweet mango pollen.
I know you're gone forever, yet I look everywhere,
Beads of joy; from the life string have fallen.



Its all a game, the matter of luck and chance,
Just a sleight of hand; all's same in the end.
A last flickr of hope, lost in mirage's cruel glance,
Yet I wish, the winds of fate, in my favor I could bend !!

An Ode to You

There shall always be an ode on my grateful lips,
For your twinkling eyes, which have kissed them my beloved !



When the perfumed moonlight kisses the virgin Arabian sands,
The fingers of my longings shall caress your sleep, as dreams of me.

Hark ! Somewhere far far away, a guitar strums the notes of intoxication,
Does it summon our enchanted loves to a tango of ecstasy ?




Seas frozen on the peak of Himalayas; the cold ice are my tears for you,
They will melt silently in the warm sunshine of life; the ever pure Ganges!!

How many ages have passed since, I have lost the count of my breaths now,
When the soft satin of your skin wrapped me in its embrace the first time ever...




And today a barren, haunting silence, like a huge, dead and cold glacier,
Quietly stands, where the gardens of our laughters bloomed in the springs..

A song, born when the tender lips of time first kissed those of the eternity,
It still resonates in my soul; a place hollowed by pain, when you left me forever.




The board of life, made of squared chunks of breaths, shades of black and white,
The hands of clock moves pieces at will, left and right and up and down; all of us.

And one thing that I know now for sure my love, after all these games,
Fate is the best player, the uncrowned king, of the Chess a round here...

The Rain

Drops of musk fell from the petal,

Lime fresh, which was bathed in gentle showers

The rains have arrived !!!

The sheet of green, all dry and dustladen,

Is washed and renewed in the torrents of joy,

Drops pitter-patter on the tender shoots.

Frogs croak hoarse and the peacocks dance drunk,

Grasshoppers and crickets chirp opera in the dark.

Grass and trees sway with the notes of gale and swoon !

Nights are darker; they wear cloaks of clouds,

There is a li'l more ice in the martini of the breeze.

Silently falling on me, the raindrops seduce !

A thousand suns rise, in the puddles made overnight,

Every child in the village now owns a swimming pool.

Heavens smile with glee, when the kids jump and play.

I watch and wonder. It's all so magical; the almighty's miracle !

An intoxicated life dances, high on the divine elixir from the skies.

May our children and theirs to come, be blessed by it; Forever !

Amen...

HAUNTED HOUSE

The eternal wanderer of the nights,

Walks in the skies, with his half-lit lamp.

Silently, the black sea watches with its watery eyes,

Atop the nearby dark, accursed hills.

A lonesome house stands; quiet or dead since long,
Colours of the walls faded forever; into nothingness.

Haunted, ruined remains of bricks and cement,
No doors, no windows; no owner, no tenant.

A hundred seasons, have gone by silently now,
And a hundred more shall; unnoticed, unwelcomed.

There was some story, as to why the house is so,
Yet even the winds have forgotten, those sad songs now.

I stand at my window and watch it,
Every day and night and wonder about it all.


And then I know, as I do everytime that,
I am the sea and the moon ; the haunted house ?


It is just my reflection in the mirror !!!

Phool

हर ज़ख्म मेरे दिल में जो लगें हैं,

इक इक क्यारी की तरह हैं ए दोस्त !

अपने दर्दों के बीज बो देता हूँ इनमें ॥

ग़मों की थोड़ी कड़ी सी धूप,

थोड़ी ठंडी छाँव मुस्कुराहटों की,

और कुछ भीगी बरसातें आंसुओं की ...

ये जो तुम कहते हो कि मेरे चेहरे पे हमेशा

फूलों सी प्यारी हँसी खिली रहती है ,

शायद वो बीज अब उग गए हैं .......

Come close to me my beloved; very close,
Let our shadows merge together in darkness.

Let our hearts beat with each other,
We are in an embrace, skin to skin.

Steal your breaths from me and let me steal yours,
Together we move up and down together; storms of passion dance!

Tattoo ourselves on one another, forever,
Your teeth sunk in me and mine in you, deep indeed!

Flames of love turn hotter than hell’s,
Embers of lust fly, burning us; damned to the core!

Our bodies are crushed in high tides of wildness,
As we battle to wrest our souls from one another’s grip.

Drowning in the seas of our own sweat,
We sail on each other’s body; making love!

The sap of life courses in my veins now,
I taste the elixir from its fountain; your lips!

Identities are lost, somewhere beyond everywhere,
Drunk on spirit of our souls, existence reels in a trance.

An unquenchable blood thirst; famished I am for your flesh,
Sands of eons trickle by, yet the hunger remains alive; for more!

Highest of gods I am; an immortal warrior!
In the arms of my victor, I shall sleep tonight….

Hookah

The pipe of love, I pick in my hands,
Quietly I savour the dusky smoke of life,
From the hubble-bubble, made of my brittle dreams.

Embers of time, slowly burn;incense of my hearbeats rise
Suffused of the inebriating aroma; of ripe apples ?
In dreamlands, far away, my soul happily flies.

With each hearty puff, a tender intoxication mingles,
Into the crimson ale, coursing through my veins.
A cocktail of joys and sorrows brewed, ages.

Ashes,flakes of memories, silently collect on top,
So soft! I tenderly touch.Yet they singe the fingers!
I simply blow them away, into oblivion.

Air,Water and fire, all jumbled together in harmony!
Yet seems like cosmos arranged in a bizzare mix of paradox.
Silently I watch the bubbles go up and down...


Puff, puff, puff !!!

Hmmmm

Well, it has been a long long time since I posted something on my blog. Why i write blog or anybody for that matter will always remain a mystery to me.Maybe we all want that piece of cake, which Mr. Andy Warhol immortalised as '15 minutes of fame' or maybe there is some spiritual purpose.

I think they might as well be like marks u put on a jungle trail..so that u can find ur way back. Only in this case there is no way back. Time is a forest that keeps on growing like some stubborn bush. And then these blogs will become like old sepia toned photographs in the Album as we had in the olden days.

May be U will come back , have a look and sigh at the good ol' days when something churned in u to type so many words, the meaning of which even u will not be able to comprehend after u have written them.Yet it is always heartwarming to come and have a sneak-peek at these frozen thoughts that have ran amuck in my three and a half pound brain for sometime and forced me to put them down on this electronic marvel of internet.

Right now, as I type all this, I am sitting in my company, Yokogawa's Saudi Arabia office. it is a nice place, save for the heat and the sand-storms that I have seen in a few days. The whole of world in a dusty haze as someone has given a good beating to an old dust-laden bedsheet. A fine spray of particulate suspended throughout the atmosphere, making it look like a hallucination. The work also is going at a slow pace in the office amidst the chaotic business issues.
My life itself has gone a little topsy-turvy. Though the reason I cannot disclose here, a few people know about this and I hope everything goes on smoothly without anybody being hurt, including me. On this trip I have seen how the world makes lying masks out of men and the selfishness is raw and scathing.

Reading only J. Krishnamurti; wish could have met the man and have a walk with him.The words are so simple and direct that they slip through the comprehension, which has of late become crooked. I remember a song by Enigma. It is called 'Return to innocence'. How fit a song!
Something is getting lost as the heart's sap of innocence dries in the sands of so called practicality and normalit. The quagmire thus forming corrupts everything pure, all around. the residue left is hatred, envy and anger.

Is there a way out of all this, not only for me but for all of us. Some want to find it and others are either plainly oblivious or not bothered to understand. Not that I claim to get the full meaning, yet I feel I am trying to.

God ! i must be going mad, with all this mad blabbering and typing.Hope no one reads this blog..
Am stopping here..hope to return sometime with a calmer and saner mind..

Adieu...

I stand on the edge of the cliff, land beneath my feet,
Down below, the tempestuous sea roars, seething and churning to the core.
Way above me, are the black sheet of skies, bedecked with pearls of stars
And the moon hangs like a solitaire, glowing dimly as a candle light.


Clouds waft away in the horizon, smoke rings from my mouth as if,
The salty smell of the cold breeze in my nostrils; thirstily, for more I sniff.
A silent silence echoes deep within me, deafening the core of my existence,
I clasp my ears, lest I swoon in a trance of this quiet solitude, no escape from thence.


The winds whisper treacherous songs of the sirens, I stealthily long to hear,
A lullaby, to lure the tired mind and soul in an eternal sleep; to me it’s so near.
Moonlight now blinds my eyes; I can’t bear separation from the enticing dark,
Waves understand my agony perhaps; they shriek for the pain in me. Hark!


Countless memories and a hundred unfinished nightmares huddle together to clutch me,
And scream and howl; a thousand banshees they are, dancing to the Devil’s tune in glee.
The hounds of hell and the demons of my being, join them to rip me apart,
I stand smiling, watching them tear and eat and drink the blood and flesh of my heart.


Smoked the day’s last cigarette and I tighten my jacket; the chill, in my throat, raises a lump,
I walk to the edge one last time, look below in to the abyss, close my eyes and Jump!!!!

A song for me

On the wings of my spirit, I shall rise again,

From the black abyss, of my lost self.

Deep and dark have the forsaken paths been,

I have long walked all alone, in moonless nights,

Searching for a dawn, where a sweet sunlight,

Of peace and hope welcomes me, all smiling.

A burnt and parched stretch of earth I have long been,

Where are those torrents of Love, to wash my pain and sins?

Yet in the arcane, forgotten forests of my heart,

A nightingale still croons the songs of eternal love.

I shall stand on the snow clad peaks, the silence of space about me,

And on the flute, with the breaths of life, play a note of final bliss.