Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Ramblings Of mind-6


Are heart and mind separate entities? Or is mind but an alibi/alias for the ego? Thoughts arise from needs and memories, which arise from the survival instinct. the survival instinct at its root has fear, which has the final root in the death.
All our laws, morality, rituals, prayers and other such things are but the result of fear.Even the way love is professed on terms of demand and supply; the laws of trade are but the repercussions of fear. Fear is the primordial emotion. There is no escape from it.
Momentarily, we might devise things like work, entertainment and other such hundred things from it, but somewhere in the life or most of the times, fear is present as sorrows and/or pains. the sensual pleasures and the life around it may be a diversion, and a good one too.  But fear waits patiently, biding its time; just around the corner. When you are all alone, bereft of support, internal and external, it catches you in its unforgiving grip.

And then ensues a combat, a mortal one, when your heart is filled with true sorrow. Perhaps that seems to be the way of the world. A quest, a thirst arises, to know oneself in all nakedness, devoid of name and other traps of recognition. The primal root of existence beckons us. The delusions are torn off from the flesh, and the dreary mirage of reality awaits, yawning its cruel and relentless jaws. It is a harsh journey where sometimes the destination is not an oasis, but a barren dune of ashes for your grave.
Fear shall however drive you on and on, until the path is red from the tracks of your bloody feet and your mind becomes a dark abyss of madness.

 Naturally then , the question arises if there is a path out? The human civilization has had more than ten  millennium of  gods, prophets, enlightened soul and all the carry along paraphernalia; still we are the same barbarians. only our tribal instincts have been taken over by nationalistic greed, religious fanaticism and other such things. the insanity remains incurable and the number of patients keeps increasing.


Definitions always rest on the wobbly ground of beliefs and hence the discrimination of right and wrong is always the choice between the devil and the deep sea. The time runs short and yet we bury ourselves into the mire of illusions as the ostrich would in sand, despite knowing the imminent danger. The internal conflict and resulting violence and hatred rot the introspection that might provide a respite and retreat from the self destruction we willingly but ignorantly choose.

We let the moments fleet past. Every one have their own reason, motives and alibis. A mad rush descends upon the senses and intellects as the sandstorms blocking the sun and all that is left is the sand and darkness, when its all over. The hourglass drains on.

We let the childhood pass in play and youth in careless fun and frolic. or their are more 'respectable' pursuits of fame, wealth and power. the simple, sweet connections with nature, both external and internal are slowly severed or lost. A silent smouldering flame of desires quietly burns away the existence and we are left with nothing but ashes when  it is all over.







Evening lit by the tender and shy young sliver of the moon, rises above the merrily flowing river.
The forest is all bathed in the enchanting golden light, smooth as silk. The very leaves seem to be magical, as if they will vanish with the slightest touch. A silence, arcane, covers the trees even as the quaint voices of night seem a part of the quietude hanging from the vines. A trance as if has settled over the dark canopy of the jungle and a magical beauty keeps watch over the night.
                                                    There is a slightly chill breeze that picks up from time to time and the rustle of leaves with the distant hoot of owls, remind of a watchman's call. When the wind dies, the mysterious silence once again spreads her satin cloak over the foliage.

Even dreams might loose their way into this dense archaic maze of verdure, blackened by night. The shadows of the tress from the moon seem darker than black and older than time. the haunting music of a forlorn solitude plays on the lips of the watcher. All these scenery exist for his senses only and yet he is a part of it, but somewhat  apart too; or perhaps they are same. The vibrations resonate softly in the hollow of heart and a virgin desire is born, to roam in the forbidden territories of  consciousness.



Where-from the dreams come? Are they but the remnants of the waking consciousness as the science would have us believe? Or is there some impenetrable secret behind those facades to an alternative reality, which are exclusive to ever individual? Perhaps they are a ghost town; the refuge of sanity where mind and heart are free from all the sham they create in search of safety and security.All names, forms, laws, rituals and relationship with the ego at the centre are lost in the streets of slumber town.

May be deep inside us all there is a dream, the quintessence of ourselves. The never-land we can just be witness to and never ever actually find. It is the place where I am just me, without you, anyone or even myself. Its a me unaware of its own existence. The only thing to do is sit in the shade of the tamarind tree by the river, and look up at the clouds floating in the azure skies. the murmur of river mixing in the verdure of the smiling earth and everything in harmony of love.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Wanderings of Mind




What when the desires are finished? Or are they ever?
When life finds that it has no more a purpose left, or that serving a purpose is rather an illusion created no one knows how or when, or perhaps we don't want to acknowledge the source; what then? Sometimes purpose seem like alibi created by life in order to sustain itself.

 The material existence has a limit and so does the physical body and hence, perhaps this immense search for immortality.
                                   May be it is ingrained in us; the ignorance within and without and the egoistic existence we lead, not to mention the way we are brought up. As Voltaire said "Born free, yet everywhere in chains."
At every step, what we face is immense decay and corruption, not only morally and physically, but also psychologically. The differentiations based on colour, creed, caste, religion, language and other innumerable man made criteria are but the tip of the iceberg. We may proclaim equality of mankind in political or religious ways, yet the truth remains that the greed prevails.
                     Everything and anything has been deified for the human sacrifice and we forget the most essential component of life is not money or language or some other creation of thought, but the mankind itself. And so the perversion creeps in, slowly. We have lost our bonds with nature and a self created world is what we live in. like narcissus, we have fallen in love with ourselves and that shall be the undoing of us.
                            There are senseless wars and mindless acts of violence and it seems a frenzy has been whipped within all of us that is pushing us to the edge. And like blind maniacs, we run towards the cliff, knowing not that the mist has kept us unaware of the final fall.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Ramblings of Mind-5









We are all, but a congealed mass of memories.The memories which are ashes of the moments, burnt in the hearth of life, fanned by each breath we take to survive. And the irony is that these very breaths cut short the thread of life they help exist. Yet sometimes the warmth remains inside, only to be rekindled with fond reminiscences of the childhood and youth.
                                                         Most times in our lives there are two things that dictate everything else; chances and choices. At each new chance an set of choices is present and each choice made in turn, creates new sets of chances. More often than not though we end up hurting ourselves and then sit back and remorse haunts us. The heart knows the right from wrong , yet the passions and emotions reign supreme.
                 Follies and fallacies, joys and laughter, and a thousand such pairs, all mixed in the same bittersweet brew. We sip a draught, and the mouth is bitter. Yet we drink, in the hope of sweetness. And when there comes a sweet taste, we drink greedily for more, knowing well that an ashen taste awaits, lurking somewhere. It is a concoction of smiles and tears and sweat and blood of our own heart. We keep drinking of this even though we don't want to. "There is no other way to live," say all.
                    Still in everyone's life, there comes a time when we realize that putting away the cup away will certainly make you more thirsty. And then it will lead you in search for a drink, to save your life. This time however, you shall drink from the fountain of youth the source of life shall moisten your lips and quench the burning in your parched throat. Don't you give up your journe before that my friend.
                      And even if you die in search of the fountain, you shall know, in the end that the pool of nectar was within you; all the time.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Baarish, Jungle aur main



ठंडी सर्द हवा के झोंकें, जिनसे
दरख़्त की टहनियों पे बलखाता ,
रेशम के तारों से जैसे बुना ,
इक प्यारा सा जाला मकड़ी  का |



बारिश की कुछ  नन्हीं सी बूँदें ,
फंसी जिनमें ओस के जैसी,
डूबते सूरज की किरणें पकड़ सुनहली हो चली हैं,
और लहराती हैं झकोरों की ताल पे |



धुला धुला सा वन सुंदरी  का आँचल,
सब्ज पत्तों और चमकीले फूलों की गोट वाला,
बादलों से चाँद झाँकता है चोरी चोरी,
कान्हा ज्यूँ ताक रहा हो नहाती गोपियों को |



अलबेले, मस्ताने झींगुरों की एक गवैया टोली ,
ताल मिलाती झूमते टर्राते मेंढकों से आज |
बादलों की काली छतरी फट गयी है,
और बरसात की झड़ी में भीगते हैं सब जंगल वाले  |



मैं मुसाफिर एक अकेला, यायावर सा,
भटक रहा जीवन के घने से वन में,
पहुँच गया यहाँ इन घुमक्कड़ बादलों के संग,
इस जंगल में, बिन बुलाये मेहमाँ की तरह |



यादों का सावन जैसे बरस रहा हो
आँखों से मेरी भी एक नमकीन सी बरसात होती है ,
और बह जाती है जमीं पर, किसी दलदल में  खो जाने को |
यूँ रात भी गहरी सी हो चली है , शायद घर मुझे बुला रहा है |

Saturday, December 26, 2009

A walk in the woods, an autumn evening





A walk in the woods, quiet and forsaken,
As the season of autumn just sets in.
Trees are a thousand pillars, holding the skies aloft,
And the falling leaves trace a road, paved with gold.


A gentle cool breeze, accompanies me on the stroll,
She smells of earth and burnt wood in hearths.
The sun softly sinks away from the zenith,
And the blue sky is a pastel of orange and pink.


The merry brook plays a rippling lyre, on the stones
And the roosting birds o'erhead complete the orchestra.
It is the music arcane, a song of the forest's soul,
So old and yet so fresh; my heart's lost in a trance.


Am all alone by myself, perhaps the mirage of tranquility smiles,
As the twilight fades into a starry night; heaven a mirror of fireflies.
The silent night seduces me; an enchantress' temptations.
Far somewhere, on the edge of these treacherous illusions,
A pair of hazel eyes search for me anxiously and wait.


A sirens' song is all this scenery, I know,
Yet I shall be drawn to it again tomorrow.
Now, from this land of fantasy, I take a flight,
Go home, have supper and to kiss my daughter a good night.



Friday, December 25, 2009

SPRING



Broken wings; the butterfly cried,

The spring has forsaken her.


Soft, powdered snow clings to the earth,

Far away is yet the golden chariot of summer.


A solitary Robin waits everyday, for the day,

Its song shall echo in the valley of flowers.


Naked, expectant tender stems, bear the long pains

For the moments they shall deliver the joy.


Hark! The cuckoo has broken her silence,

A breeze of melody fills every breath with music.


Mango trees laden with humming honey bees,

The sonnets of the season sound so sweet !


Dreamy days are filled with heavenly stupor

And the warm nights heady with aroma; of wild green apples!


The halcyon has finally descended on earth,

Her raiment of white all draped in the silken rainbow.


A game of warmth and aromas; world whirls and swirls,

Another wink of time and the circle of life rotates once more.

The butterfly? Her wings are all jewels now…..


Gunjan (25/12/09)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Ramblings of Mind - 4

It is 0020 hrs IST and I am awake.In next 8 hrs I have to be in my office doing some work.I am currently all by myself in my room. And am awake..the reason is my brain..
There is simply too much cluttered inside. And as usual most of it is painful. Personal sorrows or something else, I cannot decide or rather am confused to. what is personal and impersonal? what brings about that distinction? why are there so many sad things happening all around us and inside us and we sit and let them happen"? Finally, either we shut our eyes completely and pretend that they do not exist or we find escapes. All our art and literature and sometimes even religion seems to be an escape from the unhappy reality we face.. all of us, personally, impersonally or collectively. And so we seek something either to pass time or to save us from the eternal hell, that is ourselves.
And most probably, even I may be doing the same..writing all that is coming to my mind. so that it does not torment me so much so that it makes me sleepless.
it is like a ghost in your head, which keeps haunting you both in awakening and dreams.
Is there a reason for all this misery and hatred and war and brutality.
people killing each other and themselves. The sheer brutality that makes hyenas and lions look like angels to me. why have we become so insensitive and callous to the pain and mischief we create for others and more for ourselves?
Is there an escape?????